


Their Names Live On...

by Ang3l_0f_th3_l0rd



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Character Death, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Isolation, Loneliness, Loss, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-02
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-03-12 19:28:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13554021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ang3l_0f_th3_l0rd/pseuds/Ang3l_0f_th3_l0rd
Summary: Dean dies trying to save Sam... Again. But this time, he doesn't come back. Nobody knows where he ends up; Heaven? Hell? Purgatory? When Sam realises Dean isn't coming back, he starts becoming reckless on hunts. Eventually, his recklessness results in his own death. Castiel tries saving him, but Sam tells him to let him die. This story tells the tale of the angel who wonders the world alone: banished from Heaven, lost...





	Their Names Live On...

Left to wander the Earth forever, alone, with his family no longer by his side. A mere legend in the Hunter community. No friends... No allies...

 

Cas sits slumped in the front seat of the Impala, a small smile lingering on his face, his emaciated features morphing into a position unfamiliar after so many years. As he turns the key, the engine roars to life. The familiar sound brings unwelcome memories flooding back into his mind. Closing his eyes, and inhaling deeply, he attempts to rebuild the walls that he had spent so many years building up. He avoided the Impala for the last 15 years for this exact reason. He suspected that riding in Baby would remind him of his life with Sam and Dean, and his suspicions were correct. He hadn't even put his foot on the gas pedal, and already tears were falling from his sleep deprived and sunken eyes. Images of Dean's bloody face and lifeless orbs stain his eyelids, as he finds himself unable to escape the sharp stabbing pains he feels in his chest.

 

Sometimes he thinks it would've been so much easier to have never gotten involved with the Winchester brothers. He wouldn't be exiled from Heaven, and he would never have had to deal with all these still foreign emotions. However, those thoughts quickly leave his mind as he remembers how he fell in love with Dean and that smirk he reserved for only his closest friends and family. He remembers how he used to laugh with pure joy as he listened to the brothers argue over who got to choose the music. Dean won every time of course, because driver picks the music and shotgun shuts his cakehole. He remembers the happiness he felt when Dean would call him for help on a case back when they first met. He remembers the agonising heartbreak he felt when he watched Dean die in his arms, never getting to confess his undying love to him. He remembers the feeling of defeat as he broke his promise to Dean, and let his baby brother die too. Not all emotions were pleasant, but Cas wouldn't trade them for the world.

 

Unable to shake the images from his head, Cas just sits there. Hands on the wheel, squeezing so hard his knuckles turn white. For a moment, he can feel Dean's hand on his shoulder. But only for a moment. The most vivid memory of all being that day... That dreaded day. The day Cas could never forget. The day Dean died.

 

_Flashback_

_Cas uses his angel mojo to obliterate the doors that stand between him and his favourite Winchester brother. He strides through the doorway, a menacing look on his face, easily defending himself against any demon that stands in his way. He bursts through another door to see a demon effortlessly sliding a knife into Dean's heart, twisting the hilt to ensure maximum damage. Cas kills her immediately, and runs over to Dean, catching him before his head hit the cold concrete floor._

_Cas holds the dying hunter in his arms, unsuccessfully attempting to stem the flow of blood pouring like a river from his chest cavity. A tear slides from his icy blue eyes, and Dean slowly lifts his bloodied hand up to Cas' cheek to wipe it away. Too weak to hold it there, Dean's arm falls back to his side, where it lies limp against the ground. His breath becomes staggered, as more tears fall from the Angel's eyes (Cas unable to stop them from descending down his scar ridden cheeks.) Dean attempts to speak, but he chokes on his words, coughing up deep red blood that stains his perfect mouth. His eyes turn to glass, as he sharply inhales his last breath._

_Dean died that day. In Cas' arms, surrounded by a lake of his own blood and soaked in Cas' tears. He refused to let him go. He held onto the hunters body, clinging to any last hope that he would suddenly wake up. He stayed like that for two days, until Sam eventually convinced him to let go._

_They gave Dean the proper Hunter's funeral he deserved, and Hunter's from far and wide came to mourn the legendary Winchester's death. Even surrounded by all of these people, many his close friends, he had never felt so alone. He felt like he had lost his life force or a piece of his soul. He couldn't understand why he felt as though there was a gaping hole in his chest. The only thing stopping more tears from brimming was the thought that maybe Dean was in a better place, where his life doesn't have to revolve around protecting Sam and saving the world. That maybe Dean was happy somewhere unknown to him, standing besides Bobby and Ellen and Jo._

_It was in that moment, as he stood watching the oldest Winchester's body burn, that he comprehends the love he felt for Dean. He had loved him for all these years, and he never got to confess that to him. He never got to tell him how he never ceased to make him smile. He never got to whisper sweet nothings into his ear as they lie together in bed. He never got to introduce him as his boyfriend, and maybe one day husband. He never got to be in love with his soulmate. Not really. And now he never will..._

 

Present

Cas can't handle the pain any more, so he pushes his foot down on the gas pedal, Baby's engine roaring to life as she rapidly accelerates down the baron stretch of road. The smell of burning rubber fills the air, bringing more unwanted memories flooding back. Cas tries to pay them no attention, as he continues accelerating down the road, pushing the Impala to her limits. For the first time in 15 years, he felt free. Not to dissimilar to the feeling of flying back when he used to have working wings. 

 

Baby hurtles down the open road, as Cas' foot hits the floor, unable to push the pedal any further. Cas was now risking his life as he flew across the rural landscape... But at the same time, he wasn't. He knew he couldn't die. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't die. He'd never be able to feel the pain Dean felt as he drew his last breath. Why couldn't he have just stayed dead the last time? Then he'd never have to feel this way. He'd never have to feel like his own lungs were trying to kill him. Like his esophagus was slowly constricting, controlling the oxygen allowed to enter his body. He'd never be able to join Dean wherever he was. He's never going to see him again. And that broke Cas. 

 

However, he couldn't escape the memories for long. Thinking about Dean's death made him remember Sam's. He remembers how he lost the only other family he had, and the sudden feeling of isolation that encompassed him when Sam took his final breath. He slams his foot on the break, fumbling for the door handle. Finally escaping the Impala, Cas just walks away. He walks for hours, the sky slowly fading from a vibrant blue to the fieriest red to the deepest black. The exiled angel eventually collapses to the ground, his emotions draining him physically and mentally. And there he lies, in the middle of the road in the icy midnight winds, thinking about how he failed Dean. How he let Sam die.

 

_ Flashback _

_The first few days were difficult for both Sam and Cas. Neither of them willing or able to talk, they simply offered each other consoling looks as they passed briefly in the corridors of the bunker. In Cas' mind he knew... He knew somehow that this was the last time. Dean had exhausted his metaphorical nine lives, and this time there was just no coming back for him. Cas didn't know how, but he knew. He felt it deep within him. But Sam didn't share that same premonition. That adolescent hope never left his tired and faded eyes._

_Months pass, and that hope that Sam kept clinging onto started to slowly fade away. His demeanour alone showed just how drained he was. There was no life left in him. Losing Dean took a huge toll on his character, as he slowly began to realise that his big brother wasn't coming back. His shoulders somehow always seemed slumped, and his mane of hair grew tangled and unkempt. His usually bright green eyes now a muted grey; all emotion lost._

_He became reckless, no longer caring if he lived or died. But Cas cared. He made a promise to Dean a long time ago, that he'd protect Sam no matter what. That Cas wouldn't let him follow Dean down to the depths of Hell again (if that was where his final resting place would be.)  That he would prioritise Sam's life over his own. But there was only so much Cas could do. He tried to stop Sam from hunting. Tried to tell him that Dean would want him to live a normal life. Start his own family, with a wife, and kids, and even a dog. But Sam downright refused to listen. It was like he'd stopped listening altogether. He no longer talked to Cas, and would go out on cases by himself. Taking the Impala, and disappearing for days on end._

_Sam would push himself to the very edge, sometimes going days -maybe weeks- without eating or sleeping, because he couldn't forget about Dean. He couldn't just move on. Case after case, Sam danced with death as he went up against creatures of the night defenceless and alone. Acting irrationally and running in blind, before properly assessing the situation and making a plan._

_However, it was this case... This case when he finally took it one step too far... Cas had accompanied him on a case in Maine. They were up against another God kidnapping humans as sacrifices to the once powerful beings. Sam risked his own life to save another, and this time he didn't come out of it unscathed. The merciless God plunged their hand into Sam's stomach, retracting it covered in the young Winchester's blood, disappearing before Cas even had chance to blink._

_Cas ran over to catch Sam, the memory of Dean's body falling to the ground briefly flashing across his mind. Sam's breathing quickly became shallow, as blood trickled from the corners of his mouth. Cas lifts his hand to heal Sam, but Sam yells at him to stop._

_"It's alright Cas. Just... Just let me go. It's t-time. I need to be with Dean."_

_Cas doesn't have time to respond before he feels Sam's heart flat-line, as his eyes drift closed._

_The exiled Angel had failed once again. He failed to protect the young Winchester, and he had failed to keep his promise to Dean. Now he truly was all alone. He had no-one left._

 

Present

All at once, then not at all. Cas manages to control his memories, stuffing them back into the cage he built for them all those years ago. Like savage lions, they try to escape, but Cas' hold over them is strong. No longer having the emotional capacity to reminisce upon the past, he stands up -his limbs numb from the cold biting at him, his trench coat long forgotten back at his motel- and heads back in the direction of the abandoned Impala.

 

Not realising he had walked this far whilst having his emotional breakdown, it takes Cas two hours to finally find Baby sat in the middle of the road, key still in the ignition. A look of surprise flashes across the Angel's visage, as he thought (and secretly hoped) somebody would've stolen it in the time he was gone.

 

He slides back into the bench seat, and stares up at the sky. Now a wash of lilacs and corals and pinks, as he rubs his hands together in an attempt to regain some of the feeling in them. Pins and needles race through his digits, as the cold air is replaced by the much welcomed warmth Baby offered. The old Cas never had to worry about the cold, as his Angel mojo always kept him warm. He had gained some of his powers back over time, but apparently body temperature regulation wasn't one of them.

 

He takes a second... Just one second... To breathe. Breathe. Inhale. Exhale. For a moment, he had forgotten. Inhale. Exhale. For the last 15 years, he had managed to contain the emotions threatening to spill over at any given moment. It was the Impala that opened the flood gates, and let them all wash back up to the surface. Vivid images that Cas had fought for so long to forget were now permanently imprinted on his mind. The only thing keeping him sane being the happy memories. The ones Cas could never forget. Like when he first met Dean in that abandoned barn, after he had gripped him tight and raised him from perdition. Or the first time Cas step foot in the bunker, internally smiling as he knew that the Winchesters had finally found their home. Or the happy tears that he shed the night he returned from the Empty, knowing that Sam and Dean had been looking for him.

 

After that night, Cas all but disappeared. The bunker was abandoned, the key lost. Rumours spread throughout the Hunter community, of a celestial being protecting their kind from harm. A being that would appear from nowhere, and disappear without a trace. Few saw his face, and as the years passed (and Cas' only remaining friends died or were killed) nobody was left to recognise him. He'd only ever ask for one thing.

 

One thing in return for saving their lives. That each and every hunter he helped speak loud and clear... The Winchester name. Cas knew Sam and Dean weren't immortal. They lived dangerous lives, and they were bound to die one day. But he made sure that they never really died, because they would never be forgotten. Their names would go down in history, and they would be remembered by all as the infamous Sam and Dean Winchester, greatest hunters that ever lived. 

 

Cas would hear the whispers. Asking if Sam and Dean were real. If any two humans could really do all the things those brothers did. And he would smile to himself, satisfied that he hadn't failed Dean at all. As Sammy would live on in the history books, alongside his big brother. And as for Cas, he'd always have his memories and the old photos he kept close to his heart. 

 

He drifted like a spirit in the wind. A messenger. Ensuring that their names live on...

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fanfiction, so I really hope you all like it! Feel free to leave any constructive criticism in the comments and let me know what you think. I'll be posting another, longer fanfiction soon.
> 
> Thanks for reading, 
> 
> Ang3l_0f-th3-l0rd x


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